As in NUNYA BUSINESS! It shouldn’t, but has, surprised me how much of our private business other people have felt compelled to make their own lately. Warning, kvetching ahead.
1) The neighbor boys we asked to watch our cats while we were gone pilfered through our drawers and played some of T’s video games. If they’d asked beforehand, this MIGHT be okay, but they didn’t–and used an online account tied to our bank account to play a rated-M (Mature, >18) game. So not okay and we would have set out what games were appropriate along with the necessary controls on our account. ::annoyed::
2) Not one but TWO friends at church guilted me for the fact that I cannot stay home at least part time with Bubby. I understand it is ideal for many people for a parent to stay home–but it is not a choice for us. IT IS A NECESSITY THAT I WORK. And yes, full time, at least at this job with the way insurance and benefits work. We even had one person insist that his mother come over and help us with our budget. I’m sorry, we’ve been doing a Dave Ramsey zero-based budget with no credit card usage for almost 2 years. We’ve got the budget thing down cold, and ran the numbers with a scorched-earth mindset. It is not possible right now. There’s nothing left to cut, nothing left to change, and all the guilt in the world isn’t helping me cope with it any better right now.
3) Another friend guilted us for not using a nanny. This is not as laughable as it may first sound (I picture a live-in, ala Mary Poppins). Basically, just a fancier way of saying an in-someone-else’s-home daycare. This is what my mom did with me, so no judgment there–my parents knew the people well and I was doted on and flourished. But we don’t know anyone up here that we trust that much. I’d rather go with a licensed, accredited facility that allows drop-ins and whose caregivers are educated.
Meanwhile, some people give me grief over breastfeeding, while still others gave me grief when I had to supplement. Some people can’t believe Bubby has reflux (“all babies spit up” when it’s the abnormal pain that is the concern). Even our pediatrician gives us conflicting advice (“put him down drowsy during the day, don’t let him fall asleep on you” at his 1 month; then “do whatever you have to do to get him to sleep at least 2x during the day!” at his 2 month checkup upon hearing that he hadn’t slept during the day for the previous month…).
I know it’s par for the course and everyone goes through this. I tend to get prickly at unsolicited advice and nosiness anyway, and it’s impossible to avoid. So I just do my best to smile and nod (except maybe with Mom, sorry!) and vent about it here. ;-) Aren’t you lucky?? Besides, there are a lot of people in our life (like grandparents and close friends who’ve been there) whose advice we can benefit from.
Current status on all the above?
- I’m pumping during the day and giving bottles with 1 teaspoon of rice cereal/3 oz. breastmilk (dr.-sanctioned). The bottles to prepare him and I for my return to work and the rice cereal to see if it helps with the reflux. We just started this today, so I’m not sure how it’s going yet.
- We’re using the swing and a pacifier to help him get to sleep during the day–he actually fell asleep on his own in his pack and play during dinner a couple of days ago, so I’m hopeful he will be able to fall asleep on his own during the day–goodness knows he’ll need to at daycare. And sometimes? He still falls asleep on us, and we don’t put him down and we let him sleep as long as he’d like, because he NEEDS to. I think he prefers to sleep on us or in the swing because of the reflux–he likes being in motion or at an angle to keep the pain at bay–so I feel like if we could fix the reflux, we could fix that issue, too. The Zantac did help him sleep more easily during the day (that’s about all it did, though).
- We’re going over to the neighbors’ sometime this week to learn how to take care of the boys’ redbearded dragon lizard while they are out of town. If their mom brings up the videogame, we’ll share that they went through our things to get it–and that we’re really not comfortable with that. And frankly, I’m not sure if we’ll use them in the future or not. It makes me really uncomfortable! But we aren’t sure that we will just out and out “tattle” on them or not. I feel comfortable enough with the boys to set the record straight directly with them the next time they visit, though (they really love our cats, so they come by to visit and play with them).
- Our current financial goal? Survive until my paychecks start again after maternity leave (pretty doable, thanks to our stockpile). Then slam through our remaining student loans. Once those are paid off, we’re going to reevaluate. I’m hopeful that if a second child blessedly showed up, and the loans were paid off, I could stay home. But unfortunately, we’ve run those numbers, too, and that doesn’t seem possible either. But who knows where we’ll be or if T will get a raise or if I will get a stunning raise that would enable him to stay home, or what… Thus the re-eval when the loans are paid off. So all we can do is keep on keeping on. I know it will be difficult to return to work, so we’ll see how that goes.